Sample Press Release Makeover

"Before" Version

For: Wristies, Inc., 650 Suffolk St., Lowell, MA 01854.
Contact: Susan Gregory, 978-937-9500 or sue@wristies.com.

For immediate release

Short Wristies keep hands warm wherever you are

Bedford, Massachusetts. Wristies, Inc. announces its newest style of finger less gloves - Short Wristies. Great to wear when hands are cold but fingers need dexterity, Short Wristies are excellent indoor and outdoor gloves, for running errands or keeping hands warm at the computer. Short Wristies are made of Malden Mills Polartec® fleece fabric and join both Original Wristies and Heated Wristies styles. Known for its original version designed to keep wrists and hands warm both as a glove liner and finger less glove, Short Wristies have all the
warmth, softness, and comfort except in a shorter length. The first pair of Wristies was invented ten years ago by then 10 year old K-K Gregory to cover the gap between the coat and mitten, and keep ice and snow from wrists, or drafts of air conditioning freezing hands.

Ms. Gregory solved these problems by inventing Wristies during a snow fort building session with her brother. A week later Wristies were tested by her Girl Scout® troop and K-K was told to "make more!" She contacted an attorney, started the patent process, within a year obtained a trademark for the name "Wristies," and started a company! Wristies have won numerous awards and are available in all sizes, from toddlers to adult large, ranging in price from $7.00 to $17.50 and in a variety of colors. Heated and new Short Wristies are available in adult sizes small and large. Short Wristies retail for $9.50.

"I've been wearing Short Wristies everywhere," says customer Lori Smith. "In school, great for waiting at the train station, and at home when it was cold."  Tens of thousands of Wristies have been sold worldwide through catalogs, retail stores, mail order, and the Wristies' web site, www.wristies.com.

Heated Wristies were introduced several years ago from a customer who wore Wristies and bought mini hand warmers for extra warmth. Built with a pocket inside, Heated Wristies hold mini hand warmers providing with up to 7 hours of heat either on the palm or back of the hand. These, too, can be worn under mittens. "Just covering the back of your hand and wrist area helps the circulation in your whole hand, even your fingertips. But add the heat and you'll really stay warmer!" says K-K.

Short Wristies are the latest for keeping hands warm, and each tag tells the story of young entrepreneurship. Wristies are available at select retail stores, catalogs, and on the web, www.wristies.com. For more information, visit Wristies' web site or phone, 978-937-9500. 

Comments

A good formula for writing a headline that speaks to media gatekeepers is to answer the question, “What’s the benefit, and for whom?” This kind of headline enables the editor or producer to know at a glance why the product, service or event is newsworthy and to assess its relevance to their target audience.

The “before” version of this release failed to say who would need this product and why, so that media people could easily toss it, thinking, “Our readers aren’t ice fishermen.” In addition, while Wristies have been in the market for years, the product name doesn’t communicate as much as an explanation of why people need them. Since there were several kinds of users targeted by the new model of Wristies, including motorcyclists and people with chronically cold hands, I recommended different versions of this release specifically for those users.

The original version also wandered all over the place, trying to cram in the complete history of Wristies and details about other models of Wristies. The revised release includes the story of the product’s invention, since it’s so unusual and interesting, but otherwise focuses on the benefits of the product for the audience at hand.

I moved the price and sizes to the last paragraph, where people whose business it is to read press releases would expect to find that information.

Now here is the revised version of the press release, which I recommended be supplemented by versions for motorcyclists, people with cold hands because of medical conditions, and other top populations targeted by the new shorter style of Wristies.